From your email yesterday: celebrating your "gotcha" adoption day with Ellen brought back memories of her as a little one with a darling haircut and toddling around with that little pink blanket. Those fourteen years that have passed since you went to China to get Ellen seems like a long time ago in many ways. When I think back to when she was christened and you had the party in your back yard, it seems forever ago. But then days do seem to fly by and then I think that time is going quickly. It is a funny time warp phenomenon.
So, so, so sorry that you are having this second hip replacement surgery. AGAIN, but like you say, you know now what to expect after the sawing and cutting is finished. At least you have only two hips, and they are both going to be new, and you will not have to have any other hip replacements. You have been down this hospital corridor before, and at least now you know you have to rent a High Rise Potty and a Lift Me Up Recliner, and that you cannot drive for a while, or wear anything other than loose mom jeans and sweat pants for a while. Oh yea, and the pain pills that you MUST keep taking, no matter what your sister thinks! You already have big fat slippers for your feet since you went through the same surgery less than a year ago, so you are good to go clothes-wise. But wait, do you still have your granny panties with loose elastic waistbands? That is another must-have for your lingere drawer.
Yesterday (it is now 2 AM) we spent the morning in mass, then a wedding at church afterward for a couple who went through the RCIA program with us last fall. I was their photographer both for the wedding and at their house for a luncheon afterwards. So it was a pretty long day and I did not go to the manor, one of the few times this year that I have missed.
I felt a bit guilty about not driving the route to the manor yesterday, but Julie understood and said Linda, one of the manor activity directors, played a card game with her and another woman resident, so she had something to do for a while. It is almost like going back forty years and having my child in daycare (substitute the words "nursing home" for "daycare") and not seeing her on a lunch break. Sorta like I was sneaking off to a nice restaurant lunch with wine and female chit chat, while she had cold macaroni and cheese at daycare with no momma there to cuddle her.
This whole year I have experienced such weird feelings about having Julie to worry about again, being her advocate, taking care of issues with her spiritual, mental, residential and physical health care ... knowing she is an adult woman, but then seeing her reacting like a much younger person, almost childlike, due to her extreme dependency needs. It catapults me back in time to all those guilt feelings left over in my psyche when I could not spend enough time with the girls because I was either working or had a man or husband in my life that consumed my free time. Then bubbles up even more guilt about Heidy, as an adult, choosing to leave my life, so there are lots of unresolved feelings there, too. And guilt. Fr. Don would say that is what confession is all about.
But life day to day goes by and I enjoy my gardening and sitting outside. The mosquitoes have found favorite places to bite me, and I am sitting here at the computer still feeling those welts stinging.
I took a video on my phone yesterday of the wedding convalidation, but it is so large that it would not go in an email to the couple, so will have to figure out a way to get that converted and sent to them. It was about twenty minutes long, so I might have to go through Google and put it on YouTube. Maybe. I did learn that Bluetooth had to be turned on, but still no luck in downloading to DropBox.
I am rambling now, so will sign off. We should keep our emails and in the future publish a book of our back and forth correspondence and it would chronicle our odd life stories. We could then publish them like 84 Charing Cross Road, remember that book?
Love you and know I am thinking about you. I will keep good thoughts for you this morning when you tell your boss about your upcoming surgery. Yikes. It cannot be helped that this comes just a month after you started that new job.
I just realized Ellen will be out of school when your hip is replaced, so hope she can also help you when you are in your recliner. She can make you her favorite tomato and macaroni soup!
Let me know your thoughts, and how the new job is going, and your boss' reaction to your talk this morning.
All love, Nancy
